My feelings toward the blank Movie franchise have been well explored, but at least, for the most part, they're only wasting the time of actors that would otherwise be doing meaningless parts on CW shows. Now, all of this might seem like a big, nasty, downer of a movie if it wasn't for Gortner himself. You see, I'm not an attractive man. Only if they're cultural historians, and if you're not, well, this will look like a surrealist time capsule. Or if the you ever really saw the whole snake at once, instead of just one head at a time casually eating the characters in a completely computer-generated fashion, causing CGI blood to splatter all over the place. It's the second of two types of giant monster story--the type in which a group of people corporate scientists, in this case are sent to a remote location The Amazon to find a treasured object a prehistoric man that supposedly had lived hundreds of years and finds themselves getting picked off by either a single creature or hordes of one type of creature single, in this case, a giant five-headed snake. There's no question that these films can be entertaining, but few off them have actually managed to be genuinely upsetting.
New guy Chuck, who goes on a joyride with some girl in the middle of his first day at work?
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The other two plots concern a family in Chicago! After overhearing a cop snidely claim that "I just woulda layed back and enjoyed it," she finally cracks, going off with "I hope you run into some big, mean, pound faggot killer, and I hope that faggot rips off your clothes and sodomizes you right in your big, fat ass! These films were finally getting some respect! See, the thing that sets the Strachey series apart from a lot of other detective series is that the lead character is gay, and from what I've seen in this film, so is everything he gets involved with. So, yes, Epic Movie is bad, and as we're all aware, there's really nothing worse than a bad comedy. Or at least that's what the poster art would have you believe--only a few of these films actually were as lurid as they promised. Oh, sure, my friends say I look okay, and when I look in the mirror and have enough time to prep, I've got to say I'm not bad, but when I see a picture of myself, I'm all like, "who the hell is that guy with the red face and the drooping flesh and the sunken eyes?